I just can't get enough of been the biggest S.O.B in the area. The slightest stuff triggers me and off I go into a mindless rampage. I won't stop until I've killed your pride.

I just can't stop hating people. But lately, I seems to take this reasonless and mindless attitube of mine into considerations. I just seems to. So its just perhaps.

FIELD CAMP! I've got swollen fingers, bad knees, aching butt and a night without sleep. Yes. The whole night.
I got swollen fingers from carrying my LAW tube and rifle wherever I go.
I got two bad knees from squatting to proding right in the middle of a stony field.
An aching butt from stings provided by countless flies.
And a night of cleaning weapons all the way till dawn!
How does it sounds to you? Manly? Tough? Insane or just bullshit? I preferred to refer it as "Nonsense." It doesn't make sense PETE! The things I do may have some reasons to it but its still pointless. Do you follow the drills when a real war breaks out or do you just simply find ways to stay alive? Enough of such stuffs.

I kept asking all my bunk mates why can't I find a sexy and horny bitch to be a girl at the becks of my call? HAHA! I mean every guy would love to have that kind of lady beside him! Or a hot middle age lady to be your sugar mummy! I know what you all might be thinking about me now but at least my friends agree with me!

All right, thats all I wanna say.
Looking forward to your return, Elise.
Don't forget what I told you the other time. Haha.

My Christmas has left something to be desired. Celebrations always left me missing my friends. Especially now, cos I'm booking in later. I have a kind of mixed feeling inside. I've wrong perhaps.

Yesterday's celebration left me wasted. Again. I've made a mockery out of myself as always so I have to take extra note that yesterday is gonna be the last time. I swear upon my own devil that it will be. I felt stupid everytime waking up in my room with no idea of whats going on.
That concludes what happens during my Christmas celebration.
Conclusions: I got drunk.

Meeting the right person is not just through your feelings when you thought they are the one. Loving and sacrificing for the mistaken one is a terrible, terrible mistake. In others eyes, they will reason with you and try to pull you out of the pit you've dug and jumped right in. But in your eyes, nothing gets in. Even when you know that you've wrong. But once everything gets in, you swore vengeance against the very loved one you once loved. Hatred follows and soon you're on your way to search for another.
I understand because I walk through that path and even swore that very vengeance before.
Fuck it. I don't even have to do this.

Its just all one sad, sad story. With nobody crying.

YAAAWWWNNNNNNN! Its just boring having to guess what others will do the next moment. For starters, just wait and see what they'll do. You'll be surprise at what they'll do.

I fell asleep in the evening and I woke up at midnight to find that Gramps and Pops are sound asleep. Its pretty normal for other people but not for me. Cos I didn't have dinner...
I just live my life my ownself in this house. I'm not angry or anything but just.. Well.. Just an angry hunger.

Enough about today. Its cold and its frustrating. Yesterday went clubbing with Zhihong, 'Do-min-ci' and Lyon. Had fun yesterday.
Yesterday was the only day or it seems to me that I met my peeks without arranging it before hand. I met Andy and Jaci at Zouk when I'm with Kenneth and the rest of the three mentioned above. Then I went to MOS and met Kelvin and his friend there. And coincidentally Doman was there with Shirley. I didn't have a chance to see Doman's NSF appearance as he was moving way too slow. And as someone with no patience, I went back in before he came.
Thats that for yesterday.

Christmas is just round the corner. I got 4 invitations. I turn down 2 and I'm gonna turn up for 2. Doman ask me along to a wonder-ous celebrations! WOOHOO! And then there's the annual celebration of the west side community. Wonder what they'll plan this year.

I felt that I have to say this. If people think that I'm gonna be brought down upon my knees with the words they say and treat em like God, they might as well just fall asleep and keep dreaming about it. Taking kindness for granted is suicidal. Gonna get you killed one way or another.
I don't know whats their intention and before I brought em down upon their knees and treating me like God, just wrap it all up and go home.
Je suis Dieu.

I'm getting tonnes of off this and next week. I get bored on offs but I get frustrated in camp. So what should I do? I'm so tired I wanna sleep. But I'm so afraid that when I woke up, its time to go back to camp already. So I suppose I like offs more then camp.

Went to section live firing on Thursday. Got myself all muddy but the thoughts of looking at the stars at night brought smiles to my face. But good things doesn't always happen. Cos I can count the stars in the sky with my ten fingers that night. Worse night I ever had.
Because I get to see the star but not the star's'!

I think I should wipe Bianca off my mind. She is not even a person. She is just a future plan I had in mind. I guess it spooks the wig out of people who heard of her. I should concentrate on something more meaningful.
I suppose..

Yesterday morning I got a call from Gramps saying that the lift broke down. I was shocked. Fear begin to grip me as I try my very best to think of ways of how to reach my doorsteps without having to climb 22 storeys. But I fail to come up with a solution so I end up playing Tomba 2 to forget the matter which is quite random. Moments later I called back to check if the lift is still down and yes it is. Then Gramps started bragging about how she climb that awesome 22 storey twice in the morning.
She is practically taunting me...
So i decided to go climb that freakish 22 storey just to stay in the same league as her. When I finally reaches the top, I try to look as fresh as possible before I enter the front door. But Gramps could still sense the tiredness within me. And I lose. Just by one bit...

At night I went to the movies with Yihui. But before that I met Shunnie at town. Her girl always irritates me whenever the both of us met. I guess I can't click very well with the younger generation. We watch Warlords which I think is quite a nice movie. Yihui was confused and couldn't understand what happen for like half of the movie. I had to explain in details before she got it. Maybe I could get a sketchbook next time. Will be easier. Haha! Just joking.

I stayed home the whole day today and all I did was just sit in front of the computer not knowing what to do. Maybe I should get a PSP or PS 2. Not a PS 3 because just buying its game would stir suicidal ideas in my head. But buying such items would mean I have to share it with all of Gramps' *Xiao Peng You. I guess everything does have its pros and cons.

I have nothing more that I want the rest of the world to know anyway. Till next time.

*Xiao Peng You: Means little friends. They're in fact my cousins. And they are Gramps favorites.

Its a restart for me.
To be a brand new person.
Not some alien creature who doesn't talk much.
To search for my Bianca.

This week being to field camp. Yes, one of my dreadest nightmare. 3 days of bathless nightmare. Slept in open space which happens to be an open field! With hundreds and thousands and millions of unknown bugs creatures swarming around waiting to have a taste of your blood.
Bloodshed will not be prevent.
The days are hard to pass thats why the night time is my reward. We happen to sat on an open rocky site where we glaze up the sky which contains millions of beautiful stars.
And I swear.. Millions of em. Its a sight to behold.
I ask Sir Walter why don't we normally catches such breath-taking view in our CV life and even he doesn't have an answer for that. I think for an entire night and figure out my own answer.
Because we rarely slow down our footsteps and take a look around our world.
I mean, who would actually for once take notice of things around em? They're always busy and engross with the things they do. But for me, time is all I have because there's nothing for me to engross in.

I wanted to sail the seven sea. Just like Sinbad, The Legends of the Seven Sea. Out in the sea, away from the busy lifestyle of everyone. I just wanna Hor-lan for once.

Seriously, the star filled sky is really beautiful. How I wish the one besides me is a little girl called Bianca. NOT COUGAR COMPANY'S PLATOON TEN!

*Hor-lan: Lost in someplace.